Monday, 25 February 2008

Major Security Breach

TO: All Departments; All Corporation; All Operations
DATE: Mon, 25 Feb 2008 08:10:12 +0100
SUBJECT: Security Threat

It has come to my attention this morning that there has been a major security breach in the building:

Ben Roe has been careless enough to lose his Corporation ID card, which could easily have fallen into the hands of a Shepherd's Bush terrorist cell, or even worse, an investigative journalist from The Sun.

Thankfully my ever vigilant PA Anthony was the first to find it before any serious harm was done.

In these times of heightened security, we must all remember to do our bit to help protect the Corporation from coming under needless attack. As a result of this potentially dangerous loophole in security, I will be implementing a brand new training initiative for all Youth Channel employees entitled: "Keep Your Eyes Peeled: You Are Important in the Global Fight Against Terror" starting lunchtime on Monday the 3rd March for 6 weeks.

Ben, please come immediately and collect your ID from my office.


Monday, 18 February 2008

51 TV Love Poems by The TV Headmistress

DATE: Mon, 18 Feb 2008 06:27:02 +0100
SUBJECT: The Headmistress


Don't take this badly but it appears another one of my clients has decided to branch out into the blogosphere. She's got a new book on the way and thought the idea of keeping a blog charting her progress would be, and I quote, "rather fun".

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.... but then you would know that working at the Youth Channel! (joke)

Rest assured that this is not a conflict of interest for me and I remain totally committed to your 5 year brand strategy (Head of BBC1, President Obama's communications director, Director General etc etc etc)

Yours as ever,

The Dark Lord

Friday, 1 February 2008

An Apology


I recognise and accept that a number of statements that I made on my blog “The Secret Diary of a TV Controller (aged 33 and 3/4)”, in particular the posts of 16th June 2007 ("Squash"), 26th August 2007 ("My Edinburgh networking night from hell") and 9th October 2007 ("MIPCOM Madness"), may have caused offence to both Endemol UK and Timothy Hincks through the depiction of the fictional character "Hincksy".

It is important for me to stress that as far as I am aware, the conversations, emails and activities depicted between the characters "Hincksy" and "TVC" never occurred, nor was there any intention to discredit or call into question the professional reputation of Mr Hincks or his employer Endemol UK.

Mr Hincks does not play squash regularly with a channel controller as falsely stated on 6th June 2007 ("Squash"), nor did Mr Hincks describe Melanie Leach, Lisa Opie and Hannah Johnson as the "bitches of Eastwick" whilst attending The Media Guardian Edinburgh International TV Festival 2007, as posted on 26th August 2007 ("My Edinburgh networking night from hell").

I would also like to state for the record that Endemol UK has never represented the international format rights to "Salopes Anglais", the fictitious television reality series described in my blog, nor did they try and sell it at MIP or any other international market, as claimed on the 9th October 2007 ("MIPCOM Madness").

I would like to apologise for any unintentional personal or professional embarrassment or distress that this may have caused, or any confusion that may have arisen from these false statements.

As a demonstration of good will I have agreed to donate an undisclosed figure to Mr Hincks' chosen charity and I trust this matter is now closed.

the anonymous author of The Secret Diary of a TV Controller (aged 33 and 3/4)