Thursday, 27 September 2007

Poaching Jeremy Kyle

Whilst Kyle is getting a bashing in the news about his 'human bear baiting' style of information-rich daytime content, I have instructed Anthony to contact his agent ASA-fucking-P to set up a secret meeting with the talented (and very suave looking) Jezza.

With ratings-proven talent like this getting a kicking at Network Centre (I hear that uber-nervy old man Michael Grade wants to tone down his whole raison d'ĂȘtre) Jezza is ripe for the plucking.

My aim is to lure him to the Youth Channel at a bargain rate of £145k per year (plus appearance fees, book spin-offs, etc) and a guaranteed commissioning run of 364 episodes (he can have Xmas day off) to be made by his own indie [I'll even let him stay in Manchester if he so wishes].

He'll be swimming in a veritable semen-and-piss-filled jacuzzi of cash.

And I'll have secured the youngest and most talented shock-journalist of his generation to host a new late night talk show called, simply, KYLE!

Move the fuck to one side Paxo and Charlotte Church!!

What a coup. This will send shock waves through the industry that will even be felt in Thommo's sleepy Cotswold retreat. And it will make My Channel feel really front-agenda stuff.

You can't deny I know how to spot raw talent when I see it.


Anonymous said...

Team him up with Tess Kay or Vernon Daly doing backstage interviews and you've got a winner.

Anonymous said...

if its a chatshow he'll need a house band. something shouty to get the audience and guests going. i suggest a jazz/metal/hardcore mix.

Anonymous said...

Jazz/metal/hardcore pah! That's 30 something.

You want emo/grindcore to really get Da Kids

Anonymous said...

his agent's other talent is bringing in about as much money as a Bethnal Green crack whore on a rainy Tuesday (JK & Joel - whoops!) so I'm sure he'll jump at it...