Thursday, 11 October 2007

Taking over the No.1 job

There's a reason why I've deliberately refused to make any kind of official comment yet on the constant speculation linking me with the Mothership Controller's job.

Yesterday, soccer mom Jane Root, daytime drama queen Alison Sharman and the old professor himself Roly Keating officially ruled themselves out of the job.

Yeah, right!!

I am planning a far more surreptitious and canny approach to landing the top job rather than mouthing off to the likes of Tara Conlan at the fucking Guardian.

Or for that matter confiding in Fifi (she's a dead woman walking, and to be honest I want nothing more to do with her. I made my intentions clear by completely ignoring 14 emails from her yesterday).

Upon my instruction Anthony lunched with Roly's very sexy PA and came back in high spirits: "I knew it! I knew it!" he gushed getting all excited and mincing around his work terminal. "Roly ABSOLUTELY is going for the top job. What should we do, TVC? What should our plan of action be?"

Very alarmed of his use of the word "we", so I made him sit down and said: "Anthony, I am totally in control of the situation. Thank you for lunching with your PA friend for me. Your assistance shall not go unrewarded. Now get back to your work, cock."

This is how I intend to woo the DG:

Next week I am due to address members of the Oxford Union as one of its more prominent alumni. Beforehand I shall enquire whether Thommo (being a local lad) wants to enjoy a v discreet supper at this place (highly recommended by my old pal Jay Rayner so it must be good).

And that is when I shall make my move.

Already it reminds me of when Blair and Brown met at Granita and created New Labour all those years ago.

Thommo and I can plan key broadcasting multi-platform convergence strategy for the next century well away from the media throngs of London, and he can come to think of me as his natural heir.

What a divine plan - even if I do say so myself!

Stick that one up your arse Roly fucking poly!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Le fucking Manoir? When exactly did I reccommend it? And where? I've never been. Obviously that doesn't usually stop me having an opinion but on this occasion it does. Of course there's also your little emetic 'problem' when you get more than a couple of glasses inside you. I still can't get rid of the smell on my Jasper Conran jacket from the last time we ate together; god knows what Thommo will make of it. This plan sounds doomed to me.

Jay Rayner