Friday, 13 July 2007

Jay Rayner is Too Fat for My Channel

Foodie critic Jay Rayner is pestering me (again) to make a spurious series with him as the presenter. I know he's one of my best chums but I don't have the heart to tell him he's fucking useless on the box - not to mention a couple of stone too fat for My Channel.

I don't understand why Pat Llewellyn is so keen to peddle this sycophantic toecheese to me? Has she run out of decent talent to pitch?

He's good for free invites to the top restaurants, but to be honest I don't have the stomach nor the appetite for his holier than thou smug mug.

Emailed Pat: "I might be interested if you got his mum on tape doing something post modern and über ironic for my post über ironic hyper reality audience. Until then you can fuck off."

[Well, OK, I didn't tell her to fuck off but after two dull lunches with hubbie Ben I certainly felt like it!]


Anonymous said...

why don't you suggest he goes and played his 'mediocre jazz piano' over on one of the MOR music channels?

Jay Rayner said...

No more free feeds for you, matey. The last time I had to tell the Managing Editor it was a table of four, to account for the three bottles of fucking Montrachet you necked, and the 'extra course' of foie gras. Not to mention the dry cleaning bills after your little 'accident'.

Oh, and I'll have you know I've lost at least three pounds in the last month. Too fat, my arse.

Anonymous said...

a brief history of the youngest TV controller...

1. born at a very young age. Note to PR - was *the* youngest in the maternity ward for all of 15 minutes.
2. spent childhood developing key skill of being *noisy* to compensate for lack of height, good looks and girlfriends.
3. hung with mature students through Uni revelling in being the youngest in their gang.
4. blagged his way into the hallowed halls of TVC by professing his love of iconic Saturday Morning TV when BBC ruled the slot back in da day - ergo "I know what the kids of today really want!"
5. after brief honeymoon period, realised that young + noisy = irritating child left alone in corner.
6. bores of sitting on Fifi's naughty step, starts throwing toys out of pram and picking fights with grown-ups to get attention. Martin Scott considers casting TV Controller in Tiny Tearaways.
7. Young, Noisy and Petulant, but still hasn't commissioned a damned thing worth watching. Perhaps a few less freebie lunches and a few more pitching meeetings might be useful ...

Spangle said...

Please Please Please tell me that is the real Jay Rayner

minxy said...

I always enjoy the appearances on BBC Breakfast of Jay's brother, the motoring writer Adam. I hate motoring, but love the fact that Adam is the dead-spitting image of Pete Griffin off of Family Guy.