Monday, 20 August 2007

Steven Seagal Night

I just had to sit through a two hour yawnfest with Youth Channel scheduler Dan McGolpin trying to flog me a Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Weekend.

All the episodes in one sitcom gorging, schedule busting, comedyfest.

(I knew the success of Neighbours Weekend was going to come back and bite me in the moobs.)

We can no longer "do things by halves" he told me. "Crisps Weekend is solid 'Event TV'" that will "guarantee to breakthrough the 0.5m ceiling"

"Point 5 million!! Are you fucking joking me?!" I said in a high pitched girly voice.

He frowned, "That's the slot average for something as ambitious as this"

I swivelled around in my leather chair to face him.

"Fuck me. We could just run a Seagal film and get half that. Just run TWO Seagal films back to back and we'd have the ratings with none of the hassle. Call it Steven Seagal Night"

He sat back looking a bit stunned. My superior logic had won through. With all due respect Danny boy, I might know a thing or two about what editorial content works for My fucking Channel!!

Master of the Dark Arts - my arse! Now run along and go play with your abacus or something.


My cleaner said...

How many pisspoor, schedule-strangling episodes of EASTENDERS would it take to fund the annual STORYVILLE budget cut?

Er... three? Four?

That must be a mind-busting one week's worth of throwaway content.

Are your colleagues at TellyC seeking bad publicity? I think there's a big strategy at hand here. Surely such atrocious editorial judgments cannot be justified any other way...

Robert Maitland said...

I am trying my best to get in to this industry, I cant remember how I found your Blog but it really is very funny.
I am concerned however because I'm starting to meet people just like your self!

Whilst I'm here though I may as well chuck an idea at you for your "youth channel"
'See how they run' takes celebrity pigs I.E Fat Rick from Pop Idol, Vanessa 'I'm a TV Whore' Feltz and some
disgustingly obese members of the public from the nearest Burger King. They are forced to run a military style
hiking course whilst being hunted down by ex Jeremy Kyle guests with paint ball guns trying to win some jewellery from Lizzy Duke at Argos.

I think this has Friday Night written all over it get back ASA fucking P because ITV2 are sniffing around as well because there looking for a
series to fill the Jordan and Peter Andre slot.

Robert Maitland
RM Entertainment UK