More 'F**ck Off' films, please

Just been told by Dan, my Nazi senior scheduler, that we need to re-commission another round of "F**k Offs" ("Even though the titles got under the noses of the Trust, our research shows the C1s still lap them up")

Christ. Please no. Here is me trying to shift the Youth Channel up a gear, and here they are, television's true Dark Masters commanding me to repeat Julian's dirty tabloid factual past (you can tell he was never a 'Head of Documentaries').

I sighed and waltzed back to my office. I found McDonald on his phone texting (during work hours no less) so obviously got him something very important to do instead: "Oi slack arse. I need another 10 or so F**k off titles within the next hour."

McDonald moaned back: "But boss? I thought we'd ditched all of that crap?"

[How arrogant and downright lippy!]

Peeptoe Jo suddenly appeared out of nowhere and intervened: "I can come up with some new titles, a little more female skewed if that's helpful?"

McDonald looked peeved. This is what I like. Rivalry and competition. I get high on it. It's my only drug of choice. [And the only drug I know].

So I decided to throw both of them a little further: "I don't really care which one of you does it. Just make sure you DO IT." I placed my hands on my hips for further emphasis when I said that last bit (NLP coaching coming to the fore yet again).

Divide and conquer - it's the only way to run a tight fucking team.