Wednesday, 1 August 2007

Uncle Dale: The Enforcer

I've heard worrying whispers in the corridors of the Corporation that Peter Dale is to be brought over from Horseferry Road to fill the newly created role of Editorial Enforcer across the whole of Vision. His powers will be unprecedented. In effect, sweet Uncle Dale will overnight become the Dick Cheney to Thommo's Dubya.

Jesus wept! The last thing I need is my old mentor coming over here to kick my skinny white arse. Only last week he called me up asking for a job... and now this?!

Looks like Fifi is walking a P45 tightrope leading straight to the Chiswick dole office.

Thommo has cancelled her holiday for the rest of the year, curbed her powers, and ordered her to personally head up a 9 month 'Rebuilding Trust: One Vision, One Love, One Audience' review of every single fuckup in the Corporation's history. Every coked-up Blue Peter presenter, every adulterous Director General, even every Alan Yentob expense account fiddle.

Called that geek Andrew Newman up at Channel 4 right away: "What the hell is going on with Dale, funnyboy?!"

He popped his head over the cheap open plan office dividers and said he could see Uncle Dale sharpening his antique 18th Century Cup Hilt Rapier (with wire bound shark skin grip) - getting ready for "some serious action".

Shit. This is not good news.

Sucking Fifi's cock is bad enough; but now I'm going to have another arse to lick.

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