Friday, 17 August 2007

Teen Guru

Nearly came to blows with a smug Elaine Bedell in the Corporation canteen yesterday.

She was snarling like a wildebeest on heat.

I stood my ground, glaring at her - Anthony even had to hold me back!! (When I asked him to, that is).

What's made me so upset? She's only gone and hired a Teen Guru without even consulting me!!!

I run the fucking Youth Channel!

I've got my finger on the PSPing generation!!

I know what they eat (Kentucky Fried Chicken), I know what they listen to (Dizzee Rascal), I know what they like wearing (dayglo retro t-shirts) and I know all about their problems (TxTing RSI thumb, bingedrinking, daisychaining etc).

But no, she's only gone and hired a real twentysomething Kid from Will McDonald's bizarre outfit who probably still goes clubbing, shops in Size? and engages in enviable pre-marital sex with girls who like watching T4 on a Sunday morning.

This Kid might be the Young Pretender but I'm the wise gunslinger around these parts!

And I'll have no hesitation in putting a .40 calibre bullet between his spotty little eyes if he DARES to undermine me!!

On the sly, I had Anthony get in touch with Tina Wells, youth culture’s ‘It’ social anthropologist, as recommended by Daisy G.

I need to arm myself with some youth lingo and street speak A.S.A-fucking-P!!!

I hastily went online and bought myself a pair of new trainers.

Rocking up to work on Monday in Adidas Adicolor Superstar II G5 Camo Material trainers is going to send all the right messages to any jumped up little cunts in the building who have one eye on my youth crown.

I will not be toppled without bloodshed!!

7 comments:

Zapper said...

TVC, you seem to still have the mind of an outsider, so answer me this: does anybody on Floor 6 realise the BBC is a laughing stock East of Sheperd's Bush?

The lack of ability to see oneself as others do creates something akin to animals in a zoo. It doesn't matter how big the ape is, he's still in a cage getting little more than a passing glance from a world moving on.

Anonymous said...

This new chap says: "For me, BBC Three is the most exciting channel at the moment so I'm really looking forward to playing a part in creating some fresh entertainment shows for its audience to enjoy." Didn't you say that when you got the job? Makes it sound like the BBC thinks BBC3 is a bit, well, stale?

Anonymous said...

I'd start nicking stationery, computers and a photocopier for when you announce you're leaving to start your own production company.

Elaine's moving in. She wants your job and this is a way to show she can tame the channel better than you. A pair of new trainers ain't going to help you wing it. Get a few indies in - pilfer their ideas. Hey, what about getting Will and David in from Monkey for a 'chat'. There may be some dirt they can spill. It's war!

Anonymous said...

You need this...
http://classics.mit.edu/Tzu/artwar.html

It's how Mike Ovitz controlled Hollywood for many years.

Anonymous said...

Show 'enm who's boss with this niftly litle helper:
http://wildmant.com/shop/showitem.cfm?ID=37

Anonymous said...

You need to get in there and start boffing Fifi now. It's the only thing that will make you invincible. Just make sure you do it well enough so she'll want to keep you around.

Anonymous said...

You will be out (in all senses of the word) by Edinburgh, won't you?