Dying with Pavarotti

Jesus fucking Christ. I can't believe how off-message some Execs are within the Corporation (hello Emma fucking Swain!!!).

I've just been pitched an 8-part fly-on-the-wall series called 'At Home with Pavarotti'. In-house Specialist Factual have "secured unique access" to the "great Luciano Pavarotti and his family" [something about following his battle with pancreatic cancer blah blah blah] and for some bizarre reason they have decided in their 'wisdom' to try the idea out on me.

Fuck me. What are they thinking??!!

Look, firstly I don't want to know *anything* about Pavarotti and his fucking stomach cancer thanks very much. (Cancer is not exactly as sexy as Aids, Irritible Bowel, OCD or Tourettes, is it?!)

Secondly, he's going to fucking die any day now. How can I invest in a series when I can't guarantee we'll be around after episode three!?

And thirdly, why on earth would some ageing clinically obese Opera singer who doesn't even speak fucking English resonate with my core 16-34 audience??

So allow me to spell this out:

I...R...U...N...T...H...E...F...U..C..K..I..N..G..

Y...O...U...T...H...C...H...A...N...N...E...L...

D...I...C...K...H...E...A...D...S ! !

Because it's fucking obvious that some people within the Corporation don't seem to realise that! Go pitch the Italian fat fucker to someone like George or Roly. Or film him on his deathbed for the morbid bastards at Channel 4.

But next time bring me someone more Real, Shouty and Spunky! OK??!