Saturday, 21 July 2007

My Soho night from hell

Last night I was strolling down Old Compton Street minding my own business - as you do - when out-of-fucking-nowhere I was JUMPED by that lecherous old cockmeister Bertie!

The rest of the evening was pretty much a blur, but I *DO* remember:

* Drinking something called Sambuca (came in little glasses) in a little private members bar on Frith Street that Bertie manhandled me into, serviced by very horny black men wearing PVC jockstraps

* Admitting to him that the thought of Lis Murdoch in a nurses outfit "fucking turned me on"

* Saying that unlike some, I actually looked up to Her Majesty enormously ("didn't we all respect how much she does for the tourism economy?")

* Being made to strip-down to my (thankfully clean) Calvin Klein underpants, and forced onto the Karaoke to sing "Is This The Way To Amarillo" (on the way home when I was semi-comatose in the back of the cab I vaguely recollect Bertie showing the driver my performance on his fancy new 3G mobile phone).

The only thing I know right now is this:

1) I do NOT like alcohol and will NEVER drink it again

2) I MUST find Bertie's phone footage before some twat on Facebook starts a group about it.

3) I am crawling back to fucking bed for a few more days.

....I wonder if someone else fancies being a TV Controller on Monday?

4 comments:

stephen lambert said...

You should be O.K. as long as Bertie does not get the footage into an edit suite. Then you will be well and truly stiched up.

Pete Kay said...

Sha la la la la la la
And Marie who waits for me

nationwide said...

Was that you in Gerry's last week?

Peter Bazalgit said...

As I was trying to explain on 'Broadcasting House' today, all this fuss about dodgy editing is a load of bollocks. Young media savvy people, like your audience TVC, understand that we are peddling a load of tosh - they appreciate our humorist post-modernist approach. It's only old farts who get taken in by the way we make stories. Quite frankly it's time they were carted off to the nursing home. Thank God Channel Four have not instigated a witch hunt - although I must say they are a bit over sensitive about upsetting the Gollywogs.