Why am I out of the loop??

Why am I always the last person to hear about anything around here?

James Silver from the Guardian called: "Is there any truth in the rumours that Richard Klein is being lined-up to replace Angus Macqueen? I've heard Julian doesn't see eye to eye with Angus and his chin-stroking-BBC4-high-brow ways??"

Hardly a fucking surprise. Since C4 lost me, NO-ONE has been able to pull off 'Popular Factuality' in quite the same Rose d'Or-winning way!

[Ah, I see... so that's why Higson called me on Sunday. He's clearly terrified about getting the boot too and wants a fucking job!]

Obviously I politely declined to comment, and immediately rang Herring and demanded to know "what the fuck is going on". He said it was common knowledge in the building that I was giving Kleiny "a bit of a rough ride" and that Tory Boy was "considering his options".

How could I be so out of the loop on something this important?

And then it dawned on me...

1) Who was plugged directly into the Corporation gossip network?
2) Who shielded me from the in-house idiot producers desperate to impress me with their 'Big Ideas'?
3) Who advised me on crucial sartorial matters? (like whether I could get away with sporting funky 3/4 length trousers at work)
4) Who found an electrician at the 12th hour to fix my bathroom light?
5) Who spent 5 hours a day mainlining on the Facebook media chatter on my behalf?
6) Who was giving me all the gory details about late-night after-hours 6th floor desk sex?
7) Who was there watching my back, every step of the way, from the moment I first arrived?

Answer: Anthony of course.

Fuck, what have I done?

Emailed Jessica in HR: "Jessica, I think dear Anthony has learnt his lesson. I don't need him to serve his full week suspension now. So can you please make the necessary arrangements to bring him back? This afternoon, in fact. Best, TVC"