Saturday, 14 July 2007

Houston we have a big fucking problem

Dropped off my favourite specially imported Executive corduroy jacket at the drycleaner today. I want to look my best when Fifi confronts us tomorrow.

Then Grant Mansfield from RDF called with disasterous news. It appears Ep 4 Series 1 of Anthea Turner: Perfect Housewife might be “problematic". How? I ask nervously. “It was completely faked” he answers calmly.

Shit.

"What the fuck do you mean 'faked'!?"

Mansfield explains that the director needed a dirtier house and so the researcher was instructed to sneak around rubbing Nutella into the sofa, dribbling urine on the bathroom floor and (worst of all!) even planting a dirty pair of cum stained knickers in the bedroom.

"And who the fuck authorised this from above?" I shouted.

He got defensive and said 'these things happen' and that they had needed 'format intervention' to achieve the necessary 'jeopardy and transformation on the meagre digital channel budget'.

But it gets even worse:

Mansfield informs me that the contributor found out and confronted the director on camera. It was 'contained' at the time but now the contributor has gone to Max Clifford who contacted him today with a ransom: £50,000 to keep it out of tomorrow's papers.

Oh Christ. I am going to get my arse spanked for his - and it wasn't even on my fucking watch!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good God I worked on that show! She was a pain in the neck that one. Moaning all the time about the retakes..."how many ****ing times do we have to do Anthea discovering my knickers and me looking embarrassed"....the director got me to take her aside and remind her of the £5000 she was getting for her new kitchen...honestly some people are never happy with their 15 minutes of fame.

Nick Sheerman said...

She really got on my tits...I kept telling her "just follow the script love, how difficult is that?"...but she got all arsy and kept moaning about what her friends would say. Mind you I suppose that it didn't help that her husband kept trying to cop off with Anthea.

jo sinner said...

I hope she isn't going to spill the beans about Grant Bovey walking in and discovering her husband and Anthea at it. That really would kill us dead in the water...

Peter Powel said...

Well Grant won't get any sympathy from me...the image of them two at it in the edit for one of those tedious Nigel Mansell videos he kept churning out still haunts me...