Once back at my desk, I checked the figures for One and realised why. Not only has he lost The Apprentice - his jewel in the schedule - but that Lenny Henry 'thing' (haven't seen it yet thank god) playing in prime peak has totally failed to capture the imagination of the viewing public. 2.6 million is not something I'd be very proud of at 9pm if I were in Pete's shoes. I wonder if the sharks are starting to circle? (Must ring The Dark Lord to find out).
Just to show him (and Fifi) *I DO FUCKING CARE* about my colleagues I quickly penned this:
TO: Peter Fincham
If it's any consolation, I'm thoroughly enjoying Lenny's Britain and don't understand why the viewers are abandoning it in droves. Don't let the latest figures get you down - if it wins a BAFTA (which it probably will!) your courageous decision to play it so prominently in the schedule will be completely justified.
Maybe I should have added 'the door to my office is always open' but don’t know how chummy I can be with him yet. We are, after all, bitter rivals for the meagre budget handouts from up high.
Soon after I sent the email, a rumour went round that Pete totally flipped out and was seen hurling his commemorative Live 8 mug against a wall. A shard *just* missed his PA by inches, according to Anthony. Can't think what might have upset him so much?
Got me rethinking my 3-Year Plan. Do I fancy Peter's job here first, or should I assume that my destiny lies in seizing the mantle over at C4? Maybe I should give Simon Shaps a tinkle and get his thoughts on the matter?
Questions, questions, questions....