Shit. Just had someone called 'Brian' ("Not my real name so don't even think about fucking tracing this call!") on the phone from The Cornish National Liberation Army (CNLA)
How the hell did he get my direct number? Why am I not ex-directory? Hasn't the Corporation learnt anything after those right-wing Christian nut-jobs hunted down Roly a couple of years back? (I sent the IT department a triple urgent email: "Are you trying to get me fucking lynched?!")
'Brian' said that he wanted exposure for his cause, and in return we could follow them as they hunted down Rick Stein and everyone else who had 'plotted and colluded' in the white middle class invasion of 'Padstein'. I called Ed Coulthard up at Blast! immediately to look into doing a spiky, stunted one-off for me. I told him straight: "I want this to be my Fathers for Justice so don't fuck it up". He is sending a development lackie to meet 'Brian' in the car park of Tesco, Harlesden at midnight tonight.
I will of course be safe at home, trying not to watch Anthea Turner be a perfect fucking housewife. I pray it doesn't rate so I won't be forced to commission a third series. Do I really want to be known as the person who is singlehandedly keeping Anthea's career afloat??!!
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