What Does Your Phone Say About You?

It's my first weekly Controller meeting, a chance to really impress. Here they all are: Peter, Roly and George with Fifi in attendance. There's also a Head of Interactive, three Scheduling Executives and all the PAs. We're in a plush, circular pod on the 6th floor (so here's where my Mum's licence fee gets spent then...)

After the formal office updates from each controller, the attention turns to me. I get some quizzical glances from Peter when I reveal that My Channel will no longer be the home for his Eastenders offshoots or Doctor Who catchups. No, we will succeed or fail on the strength of our original output, aimed at breaking new ground and appealing to the Myspace generation. I throw in a line about wanting to make factual shows for people who don't like factual. Roly smiles. George just looks confused. I feel like I'm on a roll, so...

I decide to make a clever point about channel image by playing an old favourite brainstorming game called What Does Your Phone Say About You?

I get everyone to drop their mobiles into the middle of the desk and we try to match up people according to their handset. Cue hilarious mistakes and joviality all round. My point, however, is deadly serious. Peter's channel is cash rich and deep within the fabric of our nation. But his phone is crap (an ancient Nokia circa pre-picture messaging). So, as a result, we all judge him accordingly. This is exactly how the viewers think, I explain, when they are deciding what to watch. Is this channel cool? Do I want to be seen with this channel in public? Do my friends envy me for watching this channel?

Not only was I able to bring a bit of life into the stale drone-fest meeting but we all had a good laugh at Peter's expense. I could tell Fifi was impressed.

[Just for the record I own a shit hot new Sony Erickson 880i, the size of a postage stamp, and what it says about me is that I'm fucking in touch with the kids]